sorry to hear of your run in with the law mate , hope you recover soon.
im reminded of the story of the guy whos wife asks the same question " do i look fat in these pants?",  to which he promptly and rightly answers "do i look stupid in this shirt?"

Funny you should say that, larrikin...

My wife came home late last night and quietly opened the door to our bedroom. 
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts smashing away at the blanket as hard as she can. 

Leaving the covered bodies bloodied and groaning, she comes into the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees me there reading a magazine. 

"Hi Darling", I said, "Your parents have come to visit us so l let them stay in our bedroom.  Did you say "hello"?

Wife looks in the mirror.....

Its awful, I'm fat, my boobs are sagging, my hair is grey and falling out, my butt is all over the place, my hearing is so bad I have to have hearing aids, I have to use a walking frame, I have to take 40 pills a day. Is there any part of me that's still any good?

Well, Joe said with tenderness, at least your eyes are still working fine..........

Joe's funeral is on Monday.

larrikin wrote:On Tuesday my wife tried on a new dress. She asked me if it made her bum look big. I said "Yes". The Doctor said I should be fine in 2 weeks.


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That's bad, right hand, cant hold a beer....................hope you are ok soon.

Talking about woman asking if their backsides look big . . here's one for ya's all . .  .regardless of gender (lol)

A couple in their 60's were walking down the road one day. The Lady had just purchased a new dress the day before.

She asked her husband "Honey do you think my butt looks big in this dress"
His reply "Hmmm  . . . I think it looks a bit like a washing machine darling"

That night, in bed together, and he's feeling like a bit of hanky panky
"How about it honey . . . " he politely asks

Her response . . . "Hmmm . .  Washing machine huh . . . Well, I'll tell you what . . .your loads too small . .  you better do it by hand . . .

Heh . . .

Moral of the story

"thout shalt not bite the hand that feeds ya" . . .

The missus asked on her birthday for something that would go from 0 to 200 in 8 seconds flat so I got her some scales...
I'll be out of the hospital next week....