An older bloke was stopped on his way home from the boozer under suspicion of D.U.I.

When asked where he was going by the Cop he said he was on his way to a lecture on the Social Perils of Alcohol.

......and who would be giving a lecture like that at this hour of the morning? Said the Cop!

......that would be my wife! Replied the motorist!

Many years ago, in fact last century, I worked in a small country town where it was difficult to keep secrets. This is a true story.

A jeweler was coming home at 2am after finishing at the pub, but felt a little unwell. He opened the door of his Mini Minor and had a go at vomiting on the road. After all he didn't want his wife to find out that he had too many. Unfortunately his false teeth came out and were in the mess on the road. These teeth were expensive and after feeling about for them he decided to back the Mini up a bit and shine the lights on the spot.

Here he is on his hands and knees in the middle of the road rumaging through the vomit when the local cops come across him. They find his teeth and tell him to get home quickly. On arriving home the jeweler thought that he should wash the teeth first before going in. He then proceeded to look for the garden hose and fell over the wheelbarrow. The wife feared that there was an intruder and with no husband to protect her rang the police. The same police turned up that he had encounted earlier. This was around town by midday the next day.

No lecture was needed.

True again.

Small country town my wifes brothers father in law was driving home very drunk and saw an elephant in the middle of the road.

As seeing things was not uncommon when he was drunk kept he going and ran into it.

The bad bit is he killed the poor elephant that had wandered away from the circus that had arrived in town.

Was it by any chance a pink elephant?