A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?', St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'
____________________________________

A very tired nurse entered the bank, completely exhausted after an 18 hours shift .
She arrives at the counter and is preparing to sign a check.
She gets out of her purse a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.
Suddenly she realizes her mistake. She looks at the surprised cashier and say:
"Ah, well that's the best!! There's an asshole who left with my pen"

A stockman from North Queensland attends a social function
Where Prime Minister Julia is speechifying.

Clearly the stockman was not paying much attention,
Yacking with those closest and even quite far away.

Julia endeavoured to attract his interest with slower single syllable words.

As she was doing that, she kept swatting at
Some flies that were buzzing around her head.

The stockman says, "Yer havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Julia stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called,
But I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well ma'am," the stockman replies, "Circle flies hang around
These parts a lot. They're called circle flies because they're almost
Always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Julia replies and resumes rambling.

But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks,
"Are you calling me a horse's arse?"


"No, ma'am," the stockman replies,
"I have too much respect for the citizens of this country
To call their Prime Minister a horse's arse."

"Thank you for that respectful explanation," Julia responds
And resumes rambling once more.

And the stockman adds slowly ...

"Hard to fool them flies, though."