I have been at it for two hours, and the thing will not inflate!
Got it on the rim no prob....just can't inflate it!
Have seen the luggage strap method, and the starter fluid method online (don't fancy that one).
Any easy fix? Going to the tire shop seems defeatist!!!!

A CO2 canister will usually do the trick.

I hold the wheel vertical and bounce it on the ground. Pushes the side walls onto the rim, bit of fairy liquid helps.  john

Still at it! Bead won't sit in one side, and now I am covered in fairy liquid at can't grip anything. Can't believe its this difficult. I've done it before with no issues..why now...why me....why.....4th hour...I'm gonna get that sukkkka!!

You need a really big compressor and an extra pair of hands one to inflate and support the wheel whilst you hold the bead "shut" by pressing it sideways (well more at an angle seated side down) off the floor .

I was fitting a Tourance Next to my RT's front wheel the other day and couldn't get a section of the bead to seat no matter what I tried. That is, until I broke the bead again on the one side that wouldn't seat, rubbed some more tyre paste round the rim and bead, and hit the bastige with a 50 psi blast! It slowly moved towards the rim as I held the valve tight to the stem and with a loud pop, seated. Sometimes it's good to simply break the bead again until the tyre sits more roundly on the rim.

It's also important to leave the Schrader valve out of the stem for maximum air ingress until it's seated to your satisfaction. Replace and refill to spec. Dunno if that'll help you but this was my technique.

Paid a bloke to do it. £3, 3mins...50psi....yeah, you need a compressor!!! 
I'm still amazed by the "fire" technique....!!

Full marks for perseverance!! Watch this for some tire inflation entertainment. Fast forward the first bit....!