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While 'idling' at my desk today... Wed Apr 14, 2010 5:43 am
Guest
Guest
Humour for lexophiles...
I wondered why the baseball was
getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day-care where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole
left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's
round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat
grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes
take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped
from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve
months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet
cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of maths teachers
because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U.C.L.A.
The maths professor went crazy with the
blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory
of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free
of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run
you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth
and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two
tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies
like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that
counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that
votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can
get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and
a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine
shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four
seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery
machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in
France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you
can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't
find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lotof money is tainted: 'Taint yours,
and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was
never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches
will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping centre
you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are
in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey
hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to
know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture:a jab well done.
I wondered why the baseball was
getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day-care where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole
left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's
round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat
grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes
take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped
from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve
months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet
cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of maths teachers
because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U.C.L.A.
The maths professor went crazy with the
blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory
of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free
of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run
you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth
and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two
tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies
like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that
counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that
votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can
get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and
a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine
shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four
seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery
machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in
France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you
can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't
find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lotof money is tainted: 'Taint yours,
and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was
never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches
will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping centre
you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are
in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey
hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to
know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture:a jab well done.
