There's a programme on ABC2 (so it will be repeated ad nauseam) at this very moment about people who have decided to have their primary relationship with an inanimate object. like the woman who fell in love with a shunter (train) but got the sack when they caught her ******** in it. Next lover was a fairground ferris wheel.
Relationship took a dip when it was blown down in a storm.
They have founded a organisation called O S.

The point of all this.

I think we have the same thing going on here. All this love of your Ks. 
I'll see if i can get contact details for you when the credits come up

You make it sound like theres a problem with that! Bikey has been with me longer than my past two boyfriends and my current one combined! He always listens, is always there for me, takes me on amazing adventures and never questions why i am going somewhere or who i am seeing! He has a stunning body, a deep manly grumble and always carries my bags for me! He is a true gentleman whwho always lets me get my own way. I love bikey, with all my heart, he has never let me down and has forgiven me for my past infidelities, I trust him in a way I will never trust the yam. But it's not sexual, still need a man for that part.....

When I was at uni many years back a friend was very much in love with his Norton Commando. He addmitted that he used to take the muffler to bed with him (much guffawing from us) . From that point on we called him Sooty.