92KK 84WW K100RT 022575 wrote:

Beautiful . . . and it cracks me up because I used to be a cabbie . . and  . . man . . the links you make between locals can be astounding

A helicopter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
 
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his new Apple watch for a moment.
 
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
  
No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art Apple watch, and I was just testing it.”
 
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch?  What’s so special about it?”
 
The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
 
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
 
Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
 
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
 
The helicopter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”
 

And that, my friends ... is  Confidence!

Excellent!

Lady Nancy Astor:
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Lady Astor was giving a costume ball and Winston Churchill asked her what
disguise she would recommend for him. She replied, "Why don't you come
sober, Mr. Prime Minister?"

During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet
luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second
helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?"
"Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for
white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely.
The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from
her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if
you would pin this on your white meat."

Anvari.org

Churchill was a master of the art, my favourite is
His wife "Winston you're drunk"
Winston "yes dear and you are ugly but in the morning I shall be sober"

RicK G wrote:Churchill was a master of the art, my favourite is
His wife "Winston you're drunk"
Winston "yes dear and you are ugly but in the morning I shall be sober"

That's one of my favourite Churchill quotes, but my informant says it wasn't his wife, but an MP named Bessie Braddock.

Bernard Shaw, the playwright, didn't get on with Churchill. He once sent two tickets to Churchill for the opening night of one of his plays, with a note saying "Bring a friend, if you have one'.
Churchill sent them back with a note saying he wasn't free that evening, but he would like a couple of tickets 'for the second night, if you have one'.

B

I remember that one about Churchill and Shaw, its so good.

Now I must go to my bookshelf.......