Trying to keep this short..

R1100s not been ridden for a year, tried to start it a few times recently but ran rough once, then wouldn't fire at all. These things (boxer twins) seem to eat batteries in my hands, and although the battery charger would get it back up to a green light after a day or so, it never seemed to manage more than a clatter from the starter relay.

So, today I decided to check the thing over. First thing, stick a big starter charger on it. That spun the  engine over fine, but it still wouldn't fire. So, spark plugs out - sparking okay, but plugs looking very dry for the amount of cranking this thing had been subjected to.

So, injectors out, and now things are starting to look strange. The injectors couldn't make their mind up whether they were there to spray fuel, or not.

So, put some petrol in the tank because the fuel light was on and I remembered that it had got very low when I last rode it. I also poured some fuel around the tank on on the floor too, but that's another story.

Stick the injectors back in and...nothing. Take the injectors back out and, well, this approach wasn't going anywhere. I have a really useful doohickey which crocodile clips onto the battery and has a Bosch plug that I fitted to it so's I can connect it directly onto an injector and pulse it for a second or so. I used this with standalone good battery and with it the injectors fired out a goodly stream of fuel, until the lines depressurised.

So I took the fairing, tank, battery, ECU, stuff all off and started spraying Deoxit into everything like a lunatic. And then I put it all back together again and, no improvement.

And I tried my electronic pulse dookickey again, and now that didn't really work anymore - just a bit of intermittent spray.

I can't go on. I was doing this bloody stuff all day. At one point I must've not connected the q/r fuel connectors back together properly (they are buried under the tank, which you have to lift up to access them, and the tank then drops down on your petrol-soaked hands like a guillotine whilst you are struggling) Because the shut-off on the q/r was still, shut, the fuel pump made a weird noise when I pressed the starter and I diagnosed this as possibly a blocked filter (which is inside the tank) so I stripped the pump and everything out of the tank, just for something to do.

Whilst doing this, I emptied the tank into a jerry can which was too full, so the puddle of petrol on the floor just got bigger. I had crocodile clips from the starter charger, and crocodile clips from my electronic doohickey and, as crocodile clips do, they just kept randomly jumping off.

At another point I connected one of the unpolarised Power Commander plugs together the wrong way, so that ensured the RH injector would never work. I was making problems as fast (actually faster) than I was solving them.

I decided that the battery was so goosed, that it was to blame for the injectors giving up after a few squirts, so I swapped the battery. The battery on a 's' is under the tank, which is under the bodywork. So every time I had to swap or check something, means TAKING THE TANK OFF AGAIN. AND CHOPPING MY FINGERS A BIT MORE.

It ran eventually. I think original problem was nothing more than a bad connector under the tank. The real problem was me. Once it ran though, it burbles as sweet as a nut and crackles like a beast just with a snap of the throttle. All forgiven, love that bike.

Posted as a catharsis.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I feel you might have gained some pivotal wisdom from this experience.

I feel your pain.. Had a R1100RS...

I here you, I put throttle body kits and New cables in my r1100 on the weekend. A nightmare with much swearing. Rather work on K it's easier to work on.

Dang Chis    i feel your pain ....funny way to do it ....giggles

I've bad news for you Chris.

You're not getting any days back.....ever!

With all that petrol sloshing about, dodgy doohickies, jumping croc clips...I was just waiting for the "whoompahtah" as you eventually achieved ignition...outside the cylinders - and that would have been a bike that you might never have got back either.

I was almost waiting for that to happen. Petrol scares me to death, I'm okay with all sorts of normal stuff catching fire - I have fire extinguishers all over the place and the kids know how to use them, but petrol is something else.